Sunny Days

WIP 30”x22” Linoleum print and collage

I find sunshine distracting. A beautiful warm sunny day brings out this intense love/hate relationship. I find myself spending my whole day searching for ways to sit still. The sunshine, the warmth, the sounds of the neighbourhood mixed with pounding surf. It’s all transportive and I crave that. Then I get angry for letting the stillness of the day distract me from my original intent. Especially if this all-consuming rumination lands on a day that I had designated to be in the studio. 

I even get distressed when I see everyone else around me enjoying the beautiful day. Believe me, this happens a lot when you live in a resort town.  I continually watch the clock tick while I  battle with what I think I should be doing and what I am actually doing. I need to learn there are no “shoulds” in this life, so, be damned a sunny day. 

I prefer a day that is overcast. I’d rather not be interrupted. Although in truth, I can spend hours pondering existence on any sort of day. 

This week there were a lot of warm sunny days. I am recognising the conflict it brings. I also am beginning to take note of the narrative I attach with it. Being productive means getting something done. It does not mean spending a whole entire day noticing the seeping warmth, listening to sounds create auras, or watching shadows define new space. I am supposed to end my day with something to show the world. This is the story I tell myself when I don’t “work.”

I do actually have things I have been working on in the studio though. Chipping away at the seeds of ideas. I need to remind myself that the expansive time of isolation has its good sides. Those days that I seem to do nothing are necessary and indeed critical for continuing this journey of art making.