Art Therapy
I’ve been in a deep dive this past week. Actually, it’s been slowly progressing all summer. I have been pondering the disease of depression. What I might have control over. What I absolutely don’t or am not even aware of. What’s inherited. What’s situational. I’ve never been diagnosed with clinical depression but I can certainly name it for myself. At different times in my life the disease of depression has presented itself in a variety of ways. Somehow though, I have learned to keep one step ahead of the days when I can’t get out of bed or my motivation is so buried I feel numb.
Most days I wake up dispassionate at best. But I get up. I get up early and immediately begin a routine before I can think about. I get outside with my dog before all my cells can pull me back under the covers. Some days the walk is enough to keep me out of bed and actually inspire me. Some days it requires more work. Continually reminding myself that there is something worth reflecting on and that perhaps I am doing some small good in the world. That I do have a purpose.
Recently, I was discussing the difference between art as therapy and art as communication and if there is a hierarchy between the two. I don’t know that one is more valid than the other but I do recognise there is a difference. I can make patterns of marks for hours. It serves little purpose except to focus my energy and allow my thoughts to expand. Mindless, directionless painting or drawing has a way of calming my anxiety. Like doodling. Just the simple act of moving my hands. I would consider this therapeutic. It isn’t necessarily what I want to communicate through my work though. This is just a way to get tto the other side of my day. At the same time, the energy in these repetitive or mind-less actions are a critical parts of my compositions. I guess I can relate it to the words I use to make sentences of meaning.
I often think if I didn’t have this work, my depression would get the best of me and I would start on a spiral downwards. So, I make art for that reason. However, I also do my work for a way to communicate. Create a narrative. Tell a story. Build a life. Share what I have to say with others. Interact and grow. Listen and learn. Again. Create something purposeful along this crazy journey.