Spring is not a long way off

Studio shot February 2021

This week we are getting a hint of spring. A cacophony of birdsong is in the air and there is a warmth to the wind. It’s funny. I love when the world starts to awaken, but it also brings deep anxiety for me. Especially during these pandemic times. I have gotten somewhat comfortable in my nest. Not going anywhere, not planning anything except my daily agenda. Having good reasons to hunker in bed and read. Then the weather changes and suddenly my head explodes with things that apparently have to be done. Time speeds up. I get extremely scattered. The best intentions for my day go by the wayside hourly. I can even be found yelling at myself to stay on task. 

I need to remember that this is how life goes. It’s like swimming. Sometimes I am floating. Relaxing into the fluidity. Finding a groove. Like purposeful wandering. Then sometimes there are waves or strong currents to navigate. As I have gotten wiser (hopefully), I am learning how to negotiate all the hazards and am becoming more comfortable with the ambiguous or indirect. Manuevering these aquatic perils takes attention and quick reactions. It is most often exhilarating and exciting. Every now and then though, there is a rip tide or even a very large wave I am not ready for.  When I find myself caught up in a rip tide (which I never have thank god, this is just a metaphor. Haha) I have lost control altogether and have to rely strictly on my instinctual knowledge to not swim against it. It is a life and death situation. Absolutely critical. 

I am sure all of us can relate times in our lives to fit these aspects of swimming. Right now, I definitely am vacillating between floating with a current and negotiating the waves. I am still having fun but the swells are plainly getting bigger and I need to pay attention to the crests so I won’t be taken down. I am in the water though. I am not standing on the shore wondering if I should go in. I am in. I am swimming. And I am hoping there are no rip tides but at the same time, I feel prepared. 

I have a big solo show coming up in April. My studio is filling up with all the possibilities of what will hang. I do know this is a large part of my anxiety. It is not just the fact that spring is on its way. This show is not only the largest show I have done in a while, it also is the culmination of the work I have been doing in the last year. During the pandemic. During my own private lockdown. Here by myself, with myself, presenting myself. There you go. I hope you get a chance to see it. I’m excited to show it.